Occasionally I remember how much exists outside of this mountain and in those moments I seem to hit the wall of uncertainty about what it is I really want in life. It’s a question that has been thrown around for so many years I can’t even really remember a time it wasn’t a question. It’s about my conflicting nature. So many parts of me seem to exist in a state of conflict. Some have commented on how lucky I am to have such a vast appreciation but to be honest, it’s kind of irritating. It’s a song that doesn’t resolve.
It’s true, I’m lucky that I like a great amount of things but when I think about the future I never know what I want. Do I want city or country? Do I want nightlife or stars? In a split second decision do I want to choose wisdom or adventure? Do I love the business world or home life or creativity? Simple or complex? So many things to think about…
The truth is I love all of these things and while they don’t have to be entirely cut and dry it helps to be a bit decisive. So my future forever feels like an undiscovered mountain. Exciting, while equally frustrating.
So I was probably in need of a night off the mountain and it seemed everyone else did too. Lucky for us movies were playing in Cannes for under 4 Euro as a promo that day and so the boys and I packed our sleeping bags, warm clothes and a snack onto the bus for ever twisting and turning roads to the coast. The air is still chilly here in the evenings and it always takes you by surprise after a warm sunny day and sleeping bags seemed like a must since Gunta was bartending until 2am so even though it didn’t end up happening I’d been really anticipating lying on the beach under the stars until she was off work. Instead, because it was a Monday night and the bar was slow we all sat with Gunta after the movie and had some beers and whiskey while enjoying the entertainment of a few Italian tourists who were making a scene and we did our best to follow as none of us really spoke Italian. So while we didn’t get to go camp out on the beach it will happen one day I’m sure and maybe it’ll be warmer.
Last night I even managed to convince the group we should bust out tents and put them on the site sometime midweek so I hope the weather doesn’t take a turn for the worse because I feel like I need to adventure a bit.
All in all the night in Cannes was lovely. It’s so much tidier than Nice, it’s a fair bit smaller and we ate a good meal and I appreciated a new place to wander. I still can’t believe people actually grow up here. It’s so stunning.