appeler mon esprit

While I still have three months to get things done I’m realizing just how fleeting my moments are. There are so many friends I’d love to see but realistically I just can’t see them all, even in three months. What I can do is spend time with my closest friends and protect those friendships so they’re strong while I’m away. As much as people don’t like to admit it some relationships need to be valued over others. I guess in part I just don’t want to be a people pleaser out to be “sort-of” friends with a bunch of people, I want a solid core of people who know me, who can build me up or shake me around when I need it so I can become the best version of myself. {Please note that some people are also further than others so while I love them… it’s much more difficult to make arrangements or they have kids which poses a very different set of challenges with timing and babysitters}

I think being able to recognize this in some way reminds me I’m becoming more and more whole. A couple years ago I might have been offended by such words but some friendships stand out and help you to stand tall and those are the ones I want closest to me. I think, too, they know themselves so well. I’m not sure if any would articulate it quite like that but if you look at them it becomes evident they have a certain maturity and sense of self that is hard to find. Even on their low days where they feel nothing is certain they don’t just crumble, they remain true to themselves. They know they can’t make everyone happy but in the same they’re not too proud to think they have it all together. I think it’s just that they aren’t trying to be anyone else. Not only that but they’re humble enough that they’d receive correction if they strayed. That’s the kind of woman I aspire to be so it only makes sense that I’ve surrounded myself with the same kinds of women. Sometimes I wonder how I was so blessed to have them all. Aren’t they a stunning bunch? I think they just glow. I feel like I’m probably the shy one of the group even though I’m not sure that’s totally accurate. Depends on the subject, I get pretty feisty.

Even though I’m a long way from knowing exactly what I’ll do with my life I hope we’re the group of friends that travel the world together into old age. You know those feel good movies where women do that? Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Who knows. Maybe I’ll live in Europe somewhere and they will visit my cottage and we’ll sit outdoors and eat meals amidst the gardens and sip our wine. In the mornings we will bike along some beautiful coast lines and enjoy the sun. I can dream big right?

I’m starting to make more friends these days though. Ones that are more like parent-friends. They’re older, wiser and make me value the time I have in life. They remind me to slow down, to enjoy what I do so that I can do it well and not feel like I raced through my time without any sense of being in the moment or developing my gifts.

Michael and Trudy are no exception. I really like them. Michael the other day reminded me about how my words have power in them and not to sell myself short so quickly when I said “yeah I’m blogging about the journey to France, and then about my time there… but be warned I’m not a writer!” He and Trudy seem to be so excited about my creative self and calling it out to be more evident in my life. Even just with my planning to go to France they just back me up 100%. The remind me of all the provisions in front of me as they witness all the doors that keep opening up in front of me. They also just remind me that I’m a leader. That there’s a quality in me or on me that is a natural leader. I try and wonder what they mean exactly but I guess if so, I’ll find out. They truly appreciate the little things and one day I’ll be able to count more of my blessings because I’ll be going at a more manageable pace and I’ve had great teachers.

Even as I say going at a more manageable pace I think of a cute little black bike, with a basket, bell and a cute gingham cloth carrying fresh food and a baguette (apparently I’m not wheat free in this daydream) along a quiet, rustic road in the country side coming home from a market.

All I can say is hallelujah. Amen. Glory be.

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