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It finally feels like time to celebrate. Time to say, I am a runner at 41. I’ve stopped myself every time before this, worried I might give this rhythm the kiss of death. Now after several months of going out twice a week, rain or shine it feels real. This morning I even found myself turning down a street without thought or hesitation. Previously I had to muster courage, knowing it would make my simple loop a little longer.
It feels like ever since I hit 40 my body has made me aware it’s a little rusty, my joints aren’t quite as youthful as they once were. Instead of sinking into the discomfort and my growing waistline, I made the choice to meet the moment. I bought myself new trail shoes (I love Asics for comfort) this summer to support my decision. Even when the weeks have been busy, I’ve still found a way to meet my targets. While my parents were here last week, I still put on my runners and got outside. No excuses.
I think the success has also come with being kind to myself. I used to beat myself up if I didn’t follow the protocol just right and in my rigidness came self sabotage. This time, the goal is simply to get out twice a week, it doesn’t matter for how long, how far or how fast. The goal is to build the habit. I’ve also been adding a long midweek walk on Wednesdays. It’s nice to have a mix and to help my body through the aches and pains that inevitably show up as I ask more of my body.
I knew before I turned 40, I wanted to be my best self. To choose the habits that would support me which I wrote about in this post. I never imagined it would look quite like this, but it has… for now! In my late 20’s and through my 30’s I’d try to run but come head on with the most brutal side of myself as I struggled along. I wanted to keep up with my husband but I didn’t have the stamina and instead of being honest with myself I’d encounter my inner gremlin annoyed that I didn’t feel enough. But that’s changing and the gremlin is gone, thank goodness! I also feel like, I don’t have anything to prove at this point. Every kilometre I’ve run, I’ve done for myself.
Now does this mean you’ll see me running a marathon anytime soon. Absolutely not. I don’t foresee that at all. My goal is to feel great, feel strong and feel healthy. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I also don’t want to keep outgrowing my clothes. While I think I sort of look the same as I always have, I outgrew many items and what was left felt tighter and more uncomfortable than ever and I wasn’t feeling very vibrant anymore. It’s not a new normal I wanted to accept. I get a choice, and I’m choosing what feels good. I’m grateful it means I get to climb volcanoes with the kids on a whim, walk 20,000 steps with my parents around Bordeaux or skiing in the Alps as a family because my health allows it.
My younger elementary school self would not believe this was happening as I loathed running the chip trail in school… but here we are. I am a runner at 41! Should I chose another sport in the future, I won’t beat myself up. But I will cheer on the fact that I’m still going.
