Je me cherche…


I’ll admit, I’ve been a bit stuck in my head the last couple days.

Things that I’ve been thinking about:
-I realized that I’ve almost been separated for 2 years and how the time just flew by and how I was only actually married a total of 4.5 years. I’m nearly at the half way mark and yet it feels so much quicker…
-Last year I was busy stressing and planning for my flight across the Atlantic
-Do I or don’t I want to live in Calgary? Are there greater opportunities here or should I consider Montreal, Vancouver or Halifax?
-My ‘effing exam is on Monday and I want to kill it so I can get working and enjoy that feeling of accomplishment though I’m terrified of not taking in enough before then.
-How I can’t stop thinking about France no matter how much time passes. My heart literally leaps inside my chest when I think of going back.
-Why is this place so flat and lacking evergreen trees?
-Will I be in 100% health before the 24th so I can fly?
-Culinary school, I want to go so badly and in turn I also realize how much I miss cooking with Cheri
-how hard it’s been to focus these last few days

All this to say I’m exhausted today, I’m sick of studying but I need, need, need to pass and feel confident about Monday. Sometimes it seems like at this point it’s easy but then I feel like I’m obviously overlooking things. I’m reading my manual to seek out bits I haven’t noticed before but even then, sometimes you just can’t think of every possible scenario in advance. I have worked so hard and I want to keep pushing through to the finish line but it still feels far away. If only I could tell my stressed out self to chill and actually follow through.

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!”

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